Finding love is a big deal.
It’s something most of us aspire to, whether we know it or not.
It’s something we crave whether or not we acknowledge it.
We’re all on the lookout for someone to build a life with.
We all want to belong, and love relationships satisfy that desire.
Today my husband and I made a scavenger hunt for our daughter.
She’s 13. I love that she’s still playful and hasn’t fully invested in her teen-ness yet. But, of course, we’re in lockdown just like everybody else, so we’re trying to find silly, fun things to do.
Sometimes I get so sick of myself.
I can’t stand being in my head for one more second.
I get tired of rehashing my issues and problems, being on the same old merry-go-round of rumination.
Yes, if you want to work through your “stuff,” you have to revisit it. You have to face it and process it, to let it go.
But what about when you’ve had just about enough of yourself?
When all you want is to lighten up?
Because laughter does more than just give you crow’s feet, it’s actually been proven to have both long and short-term…
So you thought you found the one.
You were in for the long haul, but now you’re not so sure.
The things you loved about them are wearing thin. The fit you thought was so right is starting to feel a bit wrong.
All the things that made you look forward to being together are losing their appeal. But doesn’t that happen in all relationships?
Suddenly the walls are too close, or maybe there aren’t any walls, and you wish there were.
Maybe there are too many people sticking their noses into your business.
Or maybe there’s just some low-level…
You know when you meet someone, and you can’t help but make mental notes.
Or someone catches you giving them the stink-eye when they’re doing something questionable.
Or that 16-year-old with the neon hair says, “What’er you lookin’ at?”
Now when someone catches you giving them the side-eye, you can turn to them confidently and say, “I’m judging you.”
Because everybody judges.
It’s a fact.
You can’t help it. Nobody can, and there’s no escaping it.
So stop beating yourself up.
Because you’re not necessarily a snob or a jerk.
Studies say you’re probably just trying to survive.
Have you ever thought you were unlovable, too weird for anyone to like?
The only square peg in a world of round holes?
Like nobody could possibly want you?
Well, hang in there. There is hope.
Dating apps and “experts” might think your appeal comes from money, looks, or interests.
But science says those aren’t necessarily your ticket to true love.
A study by Michigan State University in the Journal of Research in Personality says it could be something else.
According to the 2,500 (heterosexual) couples, they studied who had been married for about 20 years, the real key to…
When I was in nine-years-old, a teacher whipped a piece of chalk at my head.
Since that was considered an effective motivational tool back then, if an adult male teacher felt like throwing a piece of chalk at a little girl, he just did it.
He beaned me right in the side of the face from across the room (I’ve got to hand it to him, he had good aim).
He thought I was daydreaming.
I still remember the sting that jolted me from my mental cocoon, followed by hot waves of humiliation.
If that had been the whole story…
Just because your heart’s broken, you don’t have to wallow in junk food and self-pity.
You don’t have to start smoking again or drinking vodka at breakfast.
You don’t have to hide away, shame-filled and defeated.
Instead, wouldn’t it feel better to take matters into your own hands?
To get revenge so sweet that the satisfaction’s as much in the execution as the result?
Wouldn’t it be great to fill your ex with shame every time you awkwardly run into them in places you used to go?
Make them wish they’d never been born.
Have them REGRET EVERYTHING they did…
Every couple fights.
You can’t really avoid it.
If you live with someone, you’re going to get on each other’s nerves. You’re going to step on each other’s toes. Hurt each other’s feelings.
You’re going to have days where your partner doesn’t do anything in particular, but you still want to punch them in the face every time they open their mouth.
***Please, don’t hate. I didn’t tell you to do it. I just said you might want to, and you know I’m right.***
And even though fighting is a by-product of living together, it often goes unacknowledged.
So, you’ve fallen in love — you’re all in.
You’re spending the rest of your life with the perfect person.
They’re everything you ever dreamed of …until they’re not.
Look out — here comes disillusionment.
Most couples go through it because it’s hard to avoid.
Once you start living with someone, you see behind the curtain — the good times get mixed with the bad, and something’s got to give.
Sometimes it’s the whole relationship.
Statistics from The Gottman Institute show: